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Junk Mailer PWNED!

I hate silly mail scams...especially ones with cute puppies! I check the mail today and find a letter that appears to have a handwritten address to me.  It is from someone in Kentucky named “B. Kennedy“.

“Hmmm…wonder who that is”, I thought – and proceeded to open up the envelope.  Inside, I found a card with three cute little puppies on the front.

“Hmmmm…this some kind of sad sappy card from a long-lost relative or something?”, I wondered.  Then, I opened up the card.  Yep…its one of those silly “lets trick the person into open this so we can offer them something that they would have otherwise thrown into the trash” types of offers.  The offer is for some type of mortgage refinance.  ”

Now I DETEST getting stuff sent to me under a false pretense…or seeing infomercials on the tv that tell me about how I can “only get this deal” if I “act within the next 15 minutes!”   So I decided to have a little fun.

“Aha!” I thought, “they have a phone number to call!”  So…putting on my best “Roy D. Mercer” voice…I called:

Company: Thank you for calling __________.  How may I help you today?

Me:  Yes, is ‘B. Kennedy’ there?

Company: I don’t know anyone by that name.

Me:   Can you find her for me?  I got this birthday card in the mail from her.

Me:   A birthday card.  It had these three cute little puppies…

Company: Ohhhhh…so you were calling to refinance your mortgage?

Me:  What in the world has my mortgage got to do with anything?  Listen, can I talk to her or not?

Company:  excuse me?  Oh…sorry.  I don’t know who she is.  You said the card had puppies on it, right?

Me:   Yep.  Three of ’em.  The one in the middle looks like my old dog “Speckles”…he had three cute little speckles on his butt…and that’s why we called him that.

Company:  Ahhh…okay…well, sir, I…..

Me:   Yeah, he got runned over by a semi truck last December.  Pitty.  He was a good one.  Can I talk to Miss Kennedy?

Company:   She’s probably just the name of someone in our marketing department.

Me:   Marketing?  Hmm….I guess I’m in the market for a new puppy.  Anyway…I just wanted to call and thank her for my birthday card.  I can’t read…so if she wrote something really sappy or special, I dont know.  Looks like she typed it but she didn’t sign it.  My neighbor said it was from “B. Kennedy”…

Company:  umm…sir…

Me:  I just sure would like to tell her thanks.  First birthday card I got this year.  My family done forgot all about me.  Pitty.

Company:  So it is your birthday?

Me:  Yes, ma’am

Company:  Okay sir.  That’s all we meant by the card was to tell you ‘Happy Birthday’

Me:  Well I feel special.  What did you say about a mortgage?

Company:  Nothing, sir.  We just wanted to wish you a ‘Happy Birthday’

Me:  Well, thank you.  When is Miss Kennedy’s birthday?  I’d like to send her a card on her birthday?

Company:  Thank you, sir.  That won’t be necessary.  Have a good day


Now, bear in mind…”Happy Birthday” never appears on the card…so she just decided to appease me and go right along with what I was saying.  Funny.

She hung up before I had a chance to let her off the hook.  She’s probably much better off that way.